Conflict
between people is a fact of life – and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. In
fact, a relationship with frequent conflict may be healthier than one with no
observable conflict. Conflicts occur at all levels of interaction – at work,
among friends, within families and between relationship partners. When conflict
occurs, the relationship may be weakened or strengthened. Thus, conflict is a
critical event in the course of a relationship. Conflict can cause resentment,
hostility and perhaps the ending of the relationship. If it is handled well,
however, conflict can be productive – leading to deeper understanding, mutual
respect and closeness. Whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy depends
not so much on the number of conflicts between participants, but on how the
conflicts are resolved.
Recently
I had a misunderstanding with one of my committee members. I am the team
manager of the Inter-Varsity Rugby Team. We recently planned a tour to Hong Kong to participate in a Tertiary tournament over
there. Before leaving for Hong Kong we had to de-brief
the team on the itinerary, what to bring and also the dress code for the various
days. Before the meeting the EXCO met up and we agreed that we will be traveling
in formal attire to better represent the school. However when this was announced
in front of the team it received a lot of disapproval. One of the EXCO members ,in
an attempt to resolve the situation, quickly blurted out that wearing formal is not
necessary and that it would be fine to wear jeans and T-shirt instead. This really
did make me angry at that point of time cause it made it seem that the EXCO was
not communicating properly and showed poor leadership with in the rugby team. After
the briefing was over we exchanged harsh words. He felt that catering to the team
was more important. After calming down and talking things out the EXCO decided that
since the information was already given, formal attire will not be necessary for
travel. This decision was taken so that no further confusion would be caused. We also reflected
on our actions and decided in future that before any sudden changes in decisions
are made we would consult each other first.
How
do you think I could have handled the situation in a better way?
Hi Tiza,
ReplyDeleteI think that you face the same kind of problem that I did, the Issues vs People problem. I can relate to the person who pacified with the people, as I tend to be more of a people oriented person as well. Nonetheless, I believe that there are merits to both sides, and that the Exco should stand their ground and keep with the agreement rather than to make sudden changes thereafter.
Perhaps what could have been done better would be to control the anger first, and not to take it out on the other person with harsh words. You could have tried to see it from the other party's point of view and speak with a nicer tone, with something like, "I understand that this was an unexpected situation that occurred, but I felt that you should not have made decisions on behalf of the Exco without a meeting."
This could reduce the impact, by letting him know that you are all in this situation together, and you see his viewpoint too.
I hope that helps!
-Raphael
Hey Tiza,
ReplyDeleteI believe that the exchange of harsh words between you and the EXCO was not necessary as it will only lead to grudges between yourself and your fellow committee members. Then again, we are humans after all and sometimes, emotions can get the better of us and cause us to make decisions irrationally.
I would suggest that in the future, when you find yourself feeling angry, take a step back, breathe in deeply and clear your mind before you blurt out any words that might be offensive to the other party. Try to talk it out with your EXCO members in a civilized and appropriate manner, and reach a common consensus amongst everyone. This way, it will prevent any misunderstandings or conflict of interest between different members.
Sean